Paul Itzer’s New Year Resolutions for a Michiana few

As it is pretty clear that Jack Colwell has run out of gas with his far from humorous lists, and his employer with The South Bend Tribune regularly gives new and clearer meaning to the term #FakeNews, we have decided to run a list of local ‘New Year Resolutions’. While these resolutions are satirical and are not actual resolutions, maybe they should be . . .

 Commissioner Carl Baxmeyer – Apply for a library card so you can personally check out porn from the children’s sections that you obviously support.
 Commissioner Derek D. Dieter – Be honest with everyone and run as a Democrat.
 Councilwoman Amy Drake – Keep Clay High School open and the Clay
Library porn free.
 Mishawaka P.D. – Ignore Mayor Wood and investigate ALL suspected DUI’s.
 Mayor Dave Wood – Stop supporting drug dealers and drinking buddies.
 SJC Democrat Party – Work with local antifa organizers to celebrate an
atheist Easter.
 SJC Democrat Chairwoman Diana Hess – Step up fundraising in order to
adequately fund a Democrat candidate for County Surveyor.
 Perpetual Loser Dr. Don Westerhausen – Run for local office a 4th time. Please. We all want to see your name on the ballot again.
 Wanna Be Health Board Member Heidi Beidinger – Run for office again
and waste another quarter million dollars of family money.
 Mayor Pete – Stay as far away from Indiana as possible so people forget
what a mess you made in South Bend (Northern Michigan is about the right distance).

Happy New Year RNM readers.
Pual Itzer